Oh, man. What a day it's been. Alright so here's how it all went down. I awoke at the Break of Dawn, feeling just about Unbreakable. Cassius comes over to my house, right. And this guy's always pissed me off, with his non-tattered toga; not living with his mom anymore. But anyway, he comes over and he's like "Caesar! You are but a puny lesser beef! You probably can't even eat 12 sausages without saying, 'oy! I can eat no longer! I have a filled stomach!' yeah, that's right. I said it!" And I was all like "SIR! You have besmerched my honor. I challenge you to a duel!" You should have seen the little guy shake. I cannot put into words the visibility of the fear I'd struck in his heart. You could see it bleeding through his eyes and the lower half of his toga, right down onto his mocassins. Yeah, the great Cassius tinkled on himself. I say tinkled because Cassius is a prissy man. Prissy words for a prissy man, ya dig? "I would accept your challenge, but...but...you probably couldn't even wield a sword, you puny lesser beef!" So I bitch slapped him, right in the face. In the FACE! You should have seen him. His eyes started to well up like, you know, he was gettin' ready to cry and he said "Why'd you hit me, Caesar?! That's it, we're gonna have a swimming contest!" At this, I laughed. A swimming contest? I told you, Cassius is a prissy man. Who do you think bought me this purple ink? But I am not one to back down from a challenge, so naturally I accepted. We got there, and Cassius takes off his blouse, and jumps in the water. He was trying to show off his two-pack (shaker). I ripped off my muscle shirt, thus exposing my toned and chiseled abdomen, chest, and arms, full of grease. Cassius says to me "oy!". I called back "oy!", jumped in the water, swam to yonder point and back TWICE before you can say "Jonstonbrauttenschneider." Of course, Cassius was struggling not to sink...he eventually did. I left him there, but apparently someone saved him (IDIOT), because he was back the next day, once again besmerching my honor.